SALVATION THROUGH THE EXPERIENCE OF DEATH
�i Buddhist and Christian views �j
By Celestino Cavagna

1) Preface

Salvation is the main aim of religion, but the meaning of this word is wide, and not always used in the same way. Ordinary people often think of salvation as happiness, fortunate and wealthy life; or sometimes as healing from physical or spiritual illness. This truly is salvation, but is not all. Religion teaches a higher level of salvation, as getting close to the life of the universe, to the perfect purity of love. This is in Christianity to become one with Christ, with God the Father, with the Holy Spirit, is communion with the Holy Trinity. In Buddhism this is to realize the Ultimate Reality, as emptiness, as freedom from every delusion and attachment, as supreme wisdom and perfection.
Salvation has by necessity a positive way of effort, of doing something, of perfecting oneself, but has also a negative way of letting go everything, of renouncing, of dying so that Reality may shine in its full brightness, not obscured by human thinking and human delusions.

I would like here to see some Buddhist and Christian views of this aspect of salvation. In Buddhism (especially in the form of the Japanese Zen Buddhism that I had the chance to study at Komazawa university, and practice under the guidance of a Christian master, the Jesuit Father Enomiya Lassalle, and the Buddhist lay master Yamada Ko-un), like in Christian experience, salvation is seen as the Real Life that can be attained only through the experience of Death. Renounce to oneself and all Ego-centered discriminative thinking and live the Real Life. Among the Christians I chose St. John of the Cross, because in its way of life and in its teaching he stresses the importance to die to oneself with Christ, as to put the Cross in its name.

In the Christian experience salvation is seen as Death and Resurrection. We have to die with Christ to ourselves and be reborn with Him to the New Life. Jesus want us to die with Him:
"Anyone who does not take his cross and follow in my footsteps is not worthy of me. Anyone who finds his life will lose it; anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it". (Matthew 10:39, 16:25-26; Mark 8:35-36; Luke 9:24, 17:33; John 12:25)

"Unless a wheat grain falls on the ground and dies, it remains only a single grain; but if it dies it yields a rich harvest" (John 12:24)

St.Paul, who by the grace of a mystical experience could be one with Christ, also stresses the idea of dying with Christ and be one with him in resurrection. And for him this means a correct life, free from sins and passions.
"When we were baptized we went into the tomb with Him and joined Him in death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the Father's glory, we too might live a new life". (Romans, 6:4-5)
"We believe that having died with Christ we shall return to life with him". (Romans 6:8)
"You should offer yourselves to God, and consider yourselves dead men brought back to life; and then sin will no longer dominate your life". (Romans 6:13). "When a man dies, he has finished with sin". (Romans 6:7)

This idea of dying with Christ sometimes meant also the real sacrifice of one's life. In the first three centuries of the Church's history the martyrs were happy to accept death and to be in Heaven forever with Christ. In times of hardship and persecution physical death was sometime unavoidable and giving one's life for Christ was seen as certain salvation.
After persecutions were finished, monasticism started as a way of renouncing to one's life and live in poverty and prayer to be one with the death and resurrection of Christ.
Many saints thereafter lived and taught others about the experience of Death.

2) The 'GREAT DEATH' of Buddhism

In thinking salvation, Buddhism gives great importance to the negative way, the acceptance of suffering and death, to experience death in a spiritual way. There is somehow a common vision of life where putting all one's heart and soul in the thought of death is the way to lead a positive and enthusiastic life.
Gautama Buddha made suffering and death, and the salvation from them the center of his teaching.
We can see some words from "Suttanipata" (Words of Enlightenment), one of the oldest Pali writings, that is said to contain some of the words of Shakyamuni himself:
"Those who are born have no way to avoid death; you reach old age and you die. Really this is the destiny of those who are born". (575)
"Like the earthen ware made by the craftsman in the end goes all destroyed, so is for the human life". (577)
"They are caught by death and go to the other world, and neither can the father save his son, nor the relatives can save their relatives". (579)
"In this way people of the world are lost for old age and death, the wise man thus understand the reality of this world and do not get sad". (581)
"One that is entangled in delusions and has lost himself, if in weeping and getting sad finds something good for him, the wise man also would better do the same". (583)
"But in weep and sadness he cannot have the peace of the heart; the only result is more and more suffering and his body get thinner and exhausted". (584)

From early times the meditation on death (Nenshi) was used as a training to be free from the fear of death, and from the lust that causes attachment to things and prevent the realization of truth. Think that death is something unavoidable. Get used to the idea that one has to die. Imagine death and dead people in front of one eyes.

In the 21th chapter of Nagarjuna's "Dai-chidoron" (Mahaprajnaparamito-padesa) are described more in detail the nine types of meditation on corpses as a way to free oneself from attachment to the human body. There is first the perception of a swollen corpse, a corpse changing color, a decaying corpse, blood on the ground that has leaked out from a corpse, a corpse covered with pus, a corpse torn apart by wild birds and animals, the scattered limbs of a corpse, perception of only white dried bones, and in the end perception of bones reduced to ashes.
Nenshi was used very much as training in the Zen sect in China and Japan. In Japan particularly the warriors, who were always standing death, connected in some way Zen training with freedom from the fear of death.

But there is in Buddhism also a positive way, a quest for salvation that is improving oneself practicing with all the strength in hard religious training, up to many stages toward the state of perfection. The classic Tendai Buddhism teaches that there are 52 stages toward perfect Buddhahood, as they are explained in the Yo-raku-kyo-, a Mahayana sutra. One who vows to achieve perfection is called Bodhisattva, and his training goes from 10 stages of faith (jusshin) to 10 stages of security (ju-ju-), 10 stages of practice (ju-gyou-), ten stages of devotion (ju-eko-), 10 stages of development (ju-ji); then a stage of near Buddhahood (to-gaku), and at last the perfect Buddhahood (myo-gaku).
One has to start with a strong faith in perfection and a strong will to achieve it. Next he has to keep his mind in the security of truth and rest in it with meditation. This peaceful concentration on the emptiness of reality leads to higher stages of understanding. Avoiding wrong concepts, ignorance, attachment to ideas, bearing all difficulties without going against others, helping all sentient beings and making the greatest effort to lead them to salvation, these are some of the stages of practice. The next ten stages of devotion means here that the Bodhisattva doesn't keep for himself all the merits he accumulates with the meditation and the practice, but out of love for all beings, he gives away these merits in many ways to those in need. In this way he reaches a state of happiness, purity, compassion, brightness, he is immutable, wins difficulties, is present anywhere and have a good wisdom. The stage of near Buddhahood (To-gaku) is the one between the 50 stages of training and complete Buddhahood. Thinking it in time dimension, it may last an innumerable number of kalpas, or difficult to imagine, extremely long period, in which, according to the Mahayana teaching, the Bodhisattva renounce voluntarily to complete perfection to help all beings and lead them all to salvation.
The last stage of Myo-gaku, is perfect Buddhahood, where he has completely eradicated all delusions, has acquired the most perfect wisdom and experienced the supreme enlightenment with no limit.

In Zen Buddhism masters talk often about the "The Great Death" (Daishi). This goes beyond the practice for perfection. It is throwing oneself in the state of death, and one has in response the complete freedom of activity. "Great Death first of all, and Great life will appear". "Great Death, Great Life, in the end there is resurrection".
Throw away all the discriminative thinking that we usually have, empty completely one's mind and devote oneself to the practice. From here a new true life will start.
As master Do-gen said in his major work, the Sho-bo- Genzo-:
"By this strength it gives life to the four elements: earth, water, fire and air, and it makes mind, consciousness and wisdom die their absolute death" (Do-gen, Sho-bo- Genzo-, Gabyo- no maki)
To make mind, consciousness and wisdom die their absolute death is the complete renounce to oneself, is practicing meditation, is working, is eating rice, drinking tea, is sleeping in complete naturalness, without spoiling life with discriminative thinking and judgment, without Ego-centered thoughts. This simple and natural life that we can see in the records of the Zen masters is plenitude of life in everything one does, is giving life to the four elements.

Taking an example from the Mumonkan (The Gateless Gate), a collection of anecdotes of the Chinese Zen masters compiled by Mumon Ekai in 1229, this Great Death is like stepping forward from the top of a pole.
Master Sekiso- said, "How will you step forward from the top of a hundred-foot pole?". Another eminent master of old said, "Even though one who is sitting on the top of a hundred-foot pole has entered realization, it is not yet real. He must step forward from the top of the pole and manifest his whole body throughout the world in ten directions." (Mumonkan, case 46)
Sitting on top of the hundred-foot pole is the stage of perfection acquired by a long practice and a severe religious training, it's the highest level one can reach. But here we can see the characteristic of Zen. This top of the pole is practice for itself, is the salvation one think to have, but it is not real.
One has to abandon the security he has reached with his long training, has to challenge the unknown, has to jump with courage into the uncertainty, one has to die, his Ego has to break down into pieces and be scattered throughout the universe, where innumerable sentient beings are waiting for his help to get free from delusions.

The one who has had this experience is called "Daishitei-no-hito", the Man of Great Death; he who through the practice of eliminating discriminative thinking is completely dead to himself, who from the Great Death has obtained a new life, who is free from every vision, hearing, realization and knowledge; who is free from every discriminative consciousness, a completely enlightened man.
There is an interesting case in the Hekiganroku (The Blue Cliff Record), another collection compiled in 1300 by master Setcho- Juken and Engo Kokugon. It is called "Jo-shu- and the Great Death", and it helps us to understand what Zen experience is about.

MAIN SUBJECT: Jo-shu- asked To-su, "What if a man of Great Death comes back to life again?" To-su said, "You should not go around by night; come to me in the light of the day."
SETCHO-'S VERSE: Open-eyed in life, he was all the more as if dead; What use to test the master with something taboo?
Even the Buddha said he had not reached there;
Who knows when to throw ashes in another's eyes? (Hekiganroku, case 41)

This dialogue between two great Chinese Zen masters, Jo-shu- Ju-shin (778-897), disciple of Nansen and To-su Daido- (819-914) disciple of Suibi Mugaku, at a first read may be difficult to understand, but shows reality from the deep point of view of the two masters.
This is often called Dharma Battle. It is always asking and answering about the essence of reality, is testing each other's understanding. Sometime was between the master and his disciples, sometimes between masters themselves, and was often made in front of many peopled. Doesn't matter being old or young, experienced or not, having vast knowledge or not, it's only the problem of manifesting the clarity of one's eye, the deepness of one's enlightenment. It was also normal, after one was trained under a good master, to go around visiting other masters to check one's understanding, before starting guiding others.
Jo-shu- is said to have entered monastic life as a child and practiced hard, but was enlightened only after about 60 years of practice, under master Nansen. After Nansen died he went around visiting some masters and about this time he met To-su Daido-. He then settled down on Mount Jo-shu- when he was about 80 years old and taught the Way to many disciples for almost 40 years. He is said to have died at 120 years old. To-su Daido- was a very young master; when Jo-shu- came to his place he was only 30 years old, but was already in charge of Mount To-su, and in the confrontation with Jo-shu- shows his greatness.
In the dialogue, Jo-shu- talks about a man who has died the Great Death, the one who has experienced absolute nothingness, that in meditation has stopped the delusive thinking of ordinary consciousness, whose eye is enlightened and whose mind is purified. How does his life change after this experience? His coming back to life, to the ordinary everyday life, to his work, to his normal thinking, to his behaving with people, how is affected by the experience of enlightenment?
To-su replies sharply, don't go around by night like a thief who wants to steal something, there is nothing to take from the so called "satori experience". I don't want to talk about this dark mystical experience, forget it. Come to me during the day, look at the ordinary life, this is the real world; this is the Real Life.

Certainly the spiritual death is absolutely necessary to understand reality, but one must forget it. If there is even a small bit of attachment to it, is not real, it is again the Ego taking pleasure in its spiritual achievement.
Setcho-, commenting this dialogue adds: Jo-shu- was enlightened and was like dead to himself, what was the need to test the master with a question he knew he shouldn't have asked? The Great Death is an endlessly dying; not even the old Buddhas and the great masters can put a limit to it. There is not such a thing as "I have reached perfection". But this throwing ashes in another's eyes is provoking each other's to die more, to die endlessly. This is the master's sword that kills and gives life.

Master Do-gen (1200-1253), the great Japanese master of the Kamakura period, that brought back from China the Zen training in the form of the So-to- school, calls this experience: "Shinjin-datsuraku": Body and mind fallen away. Body and mind, heart and soul completely forgotten and free from every restriction and attachment.
While young he was not satisfied with the classical Buddhism that he studied at Mount Hiei in Kyoto. He had found a discrepancy between the ideal of practicing and improving oneself towards perfect Buddhahood, and the "Hongaku" idea brought to Japan by Saicho-, that every being has Buddha nature in itself, that "satori" is innate in man.
It is said in the "Records of the Three Great Venerables", a writing in the So-to-shu collection that narrate the story of Do-gen, Ejo- and Gikai, the first three abbots of Eiheiji monastery:
Studying the essential of the masters and the vast teaching of Buddhism, I got to know that one's own nature is the same thing as the original and absolute truth. In this the classical Buddhism and the esoteric school agree. But here a great doubt arises: why then the Buddhas and masters of all times need to become monks and engage themselves in hard religious practice?
If man is a Buddha from his birth, why can't he live according to the Buddha's mind, why doesn't he see the light of truth, why does he get entangled in many delusions and blinds himself and suffers?
To understand better the nature of man, truth and the way to get rid of delusions Do-gen went to China in search of a good master, and after he visited many places he finally met master Nyojo-, the right one.
From him he learned the "body and mind fallen away".
He was once meditating in the hall and near him a monk that was tired fell asleep. From behind master Nyojo- shouted: "This is the time to dedicate yourself completely to the meditation, as if body and mind were fallen away, and why do you sleep?". Do-gen remembered having a deep insight at that moment and when later went to see the master and burnt the incense in front of him as the usual greeting, the master said: "What is this burning incense?" Do-gen answered: "Here I am, body and mind are fallen away". The master again: "Truly body and mind are fallen away. 'Falling away', this is the body and the mind", and approved Do-gen's enlightenment. Do-gen's body and mind were now free from any attachment, he had realized that there was nothing to find or to get. The sitting in meditation itself was a manifestation of enlightenment; the correct posture, the quiet mind free from thoughts and worries was itself the shining of the Buddha nature that one has from his birth.
Here is a typical teaching of Do-gen: practice and enlightenment are one thing. One do not practice meditation to reach something, some higher level of consciousness, but practice as pushed from inside by the Essential Nature, this is satori, this is understanding of reality.

On the other hand the meditation and the practice of everyday life broadens and deepens one's understanding of reality. The center of Do-gen's teaching is: just sitting in meditation (Shikantaza). Do not think about anything, do not want anything, not even enlightenment, do not spoil the beauty of reality with attachment to mystical experiences. Meditation is doing it itself, the Great Life is showing itself, the Eternal Buddha is meditating. And the same is for everyday life. Walking, sitting, sleeping, eating, drinking, working, reading, praying, talking to people, helping them, this all is not one's work, this is Reality working, there is no place for any Ego. All that is happening in us or around us is just "The play of the Great Emptiness".

3) The example of St.John of the Cross

St. John of the Cross, the great Spanish mystic of the XVI century, had as a characteristic of his life and teaching a complete denial of himself, the acceptance of poverty, suffering and humiliation as an imitation of the cross of Christ. He guided many religious persons, teaching them to die to the old man so that one may be reborn by God in a supernatural way.
One of his favorite words was "nada", nothing, and in some way has some similarities with Zen Buddhism. In the sketch of Mount Carmel, when he writes in the middle:
"The path of Mount Carmel, the perfect spirit, nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing, and even on the Mount nothing"
his words resemble those of a Zen master.

To the many friars, nuns and lay people who asked for his spiritual guidance, he gave concrete advises how to die to oneself, to the sins, to the passions, and emphasized the importance of a complete denial of oneself to reach the union with God, the supreme happiness of the soul. This complete denial is "Death" as a life-long training to get rid of the Ego. Union with God, though it may be a temporary mystical experience, is the deep consciousness that transforms one's life, makes one accept everything with joy, even the most bitter sufferings, and make one love and care about all people.

In his writings, especially "The Ascent of Mount Carmel" and "The Dark Night" he compares the spiritual journey toward union with God to a dark night trough which the soul must pass.
The first part of this night is purification from the appetites which are a burden to the soul in the spiritual journey. The second part is a purification of the three faculty of the soul: intellect, memory and will. Intellect is purified so that the soul may be perfect in the virtue of faith; memory is purified so that the soul may be perfect in the virtue of hope, and will is purified so that may be perfect in the virtue of charity.
In the first book of the "Ascent" about the necessity to mortify the appetites he talks about the harm they make to the soul, how they torment a man, darken, blind and defile him, weaken the soul and make it lukewarm in the practice of virtue. So that all appetites, even the smallest must be get ridden of to attain the union with God.
In the 13th chapter of the first book he gives some practical advises about how to enter "the night of the sense", and purify the appetites.
The following maxims contain a complete remedy for mortifying and pacifying the passions. If put into practice these maxims will give rise to abundant merit and great virtues.
Endeavor to be inclined always:
not to the easiest, but to the most difficult;
not to the most delightful, but to the harshest;
not to the most gratifying, but to the less pleasant;
not to what means rest for you, but to hard work;
not to the consoling, but to the unconsoling;
not to the most, but to the least;
not to the highest and most precious, but to the lowest and most despised; not to wanting something, but to wanting nothing;
do not go about looking for the best of temporal things, but for the worst;
and desire to enter for Christ into complete nudity, emptiness, and poverty in everything in the world.
You should embrace these practices earnestly and try to overcome the repugnance of your will toward them. If you sincerely put them into practice with order and discretion, you will discover in them great delight and consolation.
(The Ascent of Mount Carmel, I, 13, 5-7)

This way of thinking of St. John of the Cross was greatly influenced by his own life. He was very poor in his childhood and had a life of privations. As a friar he became famous for his intimacy with God, his deep insight and ability to guide people, he suffered from the jealousy of other friars. When together with Mother Teresa of Jesus started the reform of the Carmelite order he met a lot of misunderstanding, and had to suffer persecution and even imprisonment. All this hardship might harden his heart and make him revolt against the world, but John accepted everything as a trial from God, as a way to purify and refine his soul. Through the experience of suffering and denial of himself he could experience deep intimacy with the mystery of Christ, feel great spiritual consolations, and be filled with understanding and compassion for the sufferers.

His father was from a wealthy family of silk merchants from Toledo, but he was dismissed and disowned of the family properties because he married, in spite of the opposition of the family members, a woman of low rank. So he chose a life of poverty and worked hard with his wife. John was born in 1542, but soon after the father died and the family was reduced to extreme poverty. The mother Catalina was refused any help she asked to the husband's family, and had to work hard to raise the three children. John was sent to attend the Catechism School, an institution that was like an orphanage, taking care of the children of the poor, giving them food, clothes and elementary education. John also started working very young, and learned several jobs through the apprenticeship to local craftsmen. When he was 17 he was working in a hospital, and was allowed to attend the Jesuit college in Medina Del Campo, where he could study grammar, rhetoric, Greek, Latin and religion, provide he continued his work at the hospital. He then felt a strong desire for religious life and at 20 enter the Carmelite order, and was ordained priest at 24.

Soon after that he met Mother Teresa of Jesus and she asked him to help in the reform of the Carmelite order she wanted to undertake. The aim was to bring to the convent more contemplative life, more mental prayer, poverty in the way of dwelling, clothing, eating and withdrawal from the world. The friars were also to go barefoot and for this they were called the Discalced Carmelites. The reform appealed to many young people, and the group increased quickly in number. But the order felt threatened by this reform, and there was effort to stop them. With the help of the Papal Nuncio the order tried to suppress the reform, and John himself was arrested and kept prisoner for more than half a year in a convent in Toledo. Almost every day he was asked to renounce to the reform, but he didn't, and his rebellion was punished with harassment and slashing, so hard that the wounds took years to heal.
The reform was later recognized through the intervention of the king Philip II, in 1580 and John had a few years of calm and peace and could spend his time in contemplation and his favorite job: hearing confessions and giving spiritual guidance to monks, nuns, and lay people.
But around 1590, he had trouble again, and this time inside the reform itself. Fr. John opposed the opinion of the Vicar general of the Discalced on some matters during the chapter, and the following year he wasn't reelected to any post inside the reformed order.

This accident that could have hurt anyone, who spent so much energy for the good of the order and suffer so much for it, but Fr. John accepted this situation as a gift of God. God was giving him the rest he needed, being let aside and relieved from responsibility and work, he had more time to live in deep contemplation. The next year he became ill and died in December after some time spent in a convent in Ubeda, almost forgotten by everyone, and suffering the harassment of an unfriendly confrere who disliked John for his reputation for holiness. He chose himself that place because no one there knew him.

The following words from the second book of "The Ascent of Mount Carmel" reveal how firmly he believed in the necessity of denying himself and taking the cross in the steps of Jesus.
Oh, who can explain the extent of the denial our Lord wishes of us! This negation must be similar to a complete temporal, natural and spiritual death, that is, in reference to esteem of the will which is the source of all denial.
Our Saviour referred to this when He declared: He that wishes to save his life shall lose it (if anyone wants to possess something, or seek it for himself, he will lose it); and he who loses his soul for My sake, the same shall gain it [Mt.16:25; Lk.9:24]. The latter affirmation signifies: He who renounces for Christ all that his will can desire and enjoy by choosing what bears closer resemblance to the cross - which our Lord in St. John terms hating one's soul [Jn. 22:25] - the same will gain it.
His Majesty taught this to those two disciples who came to ask Him for places at His right and left. Without responding to their request for glory, He offered them the chalice He was about to drink as something safer and more precious on this earth than enjoyment. [Mt. 20:22]
This chalice symbolizes Death to one's natural self through denudation and annihilation. As a result of this death a man is able to walk along the narrow path in the sensitive part of his soul, as we said, and in the spiritual part (in his understanding, joy and feeling)
(The Ascent of Mount Carmel, II, 7, 6.7)
One may ask what salvation there is in poverty, in privations, in misunderstanding, persecutions and sufferings. Some may think salvation only as a reward in a future world, after a whole life of suffering and perseverance.
But we can see in St. John that the denial of himself, together with a constant prayer and the practice of charity, transformed his whole life into the happiest life one can have, and give love, peace and happiness to everyone.

I would recognize St. John's New Life first in the joyful character he always had. He had a special gift for humor and though as superior was naturally serious, enjoyed making people laugh. the friars were happy to have him together at recreation. He would immediately notice sad and depressed people and try to relieve their sadness with gentle words. As a superior also used gentleness and charity in correcting people and never use harsh methods. He was patient with people; in the sacrament of penance for example, hardened sinners, the scrupulous or other that confessors usually didn't like, searched for him, and he didn't limit his efforts to understand them and give them peace.
Inside the convent he used to ask the friars' opinion about many problems that happened. All of this created around him an environment of serenity and joy.
He was always filled with confidence and free from worry and anxiety. In times when the monastery was very poor, he encouraged everyone to be confident in the help of God, and sometime the help came in mysterious ways. When persecuted by the other religious of the order, he saw the hand of God there and exhorted others not to be disturbed about the persecutors, but thank God about the trial that refines their souls. In such a way his attitude helped to keep always an atmosphere of calm and peace in the monastery.

Another aspect of the New Life is how he felt always in unity of spirit with all people, feeling their needs, their sufferings, and filled with burning love actively help them. His most special care was for the poor. He had himself a very poor childhood, and in those times of misfortune and material need he often went beyond the spiritual direction and gave people money from the small funds of the monastery, or sometimes went out begging to help people who could not do that by themselves.
He had a special concern for the sick. His work in the hospital in Medina when was young, left him an intense sympathy for the sick. He would spend long time at the bedside of his friars talking and encouraging them or go himself to the kitchen to prepare some special meal for the sick. When some expensive medicine were needed, he would go around himself to beg alms to buy them.
He also often shared the manual work that burdened the friars or the nuns where he was going for confessions. Build walls, make repairings, or also undertake humble tasks as sweeping and scrubbing the floors or cleaning the garden.

He loved nature very much, and sometimes go out into the mountains taking his friars for recreation or spend long time praying near the river or meditating in the quietness of a cave.
He meditate the Bible (his favorite book) and the Church's liturgy with such an intensity that his aspect would change. Once during the Holy Week suffered so intensively for the Passion of Christ that he was not able to live the monastery to hear the nuns' confession. At Christmas once he took the statue of the Child Jesus in his arms and went around the monastery singing and dancing with joy.
All this joy and great feeling of love towards all people, derived from his oneness and intimacy with God. During prayer he would reach deep ecstasy and forget everything else. There is a famous account how once at the feast of the Holy Trinity while speaking to Mother Teresa of Jesus about the mystery of the Trinity, both of them suddenly fell in deep ecstasy and were raised aloft by the force of the Spirit. Mother Teresa said afterwards: "One cannot speak of God to Padre John of the Cross because he at once goes into ecstasy and causes others to do the same".
Fr. John himself, speaking about the New Life said:
Spiritually speaking, there are two kinds of life:
One is beatific, consisting in the vision of God, which must be attained by natural death, as St. Paul says: "We know that if this our clay house is dissolved, we have a dwelling place of God in heaven." [2 Cor. 5:1]
The other is the perfect spiritual life, the possession of God through union of love. This is acquired through complete mortification of all the vices and appetites and of one's own nature. Until this is achieved, one cannot reach the perfection of the spiritual life of Union with God; as the Apostle also declares in these words: "If you live according to the flesh you shall die; yet if with the spirit you mortify the deeds of the flesh you shall live." [Rom. 8:13] (The Living Flame of Love, Stanza 2, n.32)

In this way more than any other, the understanding of salvation as dying to himself with Christ and live the Real Life of the Resurrection, is particularly clear in the life and teaching of St. John of the Cross.

4) Practicing Zen Meditation

In the end I will like to say something about my personal experience of Zen meditation with Father Enomiya Lassalle and Master Yamada Ko-un. They taught me the experience of death as being simple, as forgetting oneself in a true and right way of living and a constant practice of meditation. Meditate earnestly, not to reach something, but as to lose oneself and get the realization of the emptiness of oneself and everything. This is freedom and truth. Furthermore, check if what is realized is lived in the everyday life (personalization of the experience). See in the feelings, the thoughts, the way of living, the way of meeting people, coping with problems, if one is really empty and free. The proof of realization is to be able to be one with all people, and at ease in every situation. If not, there cannot be "New Life", there cannot be salvation, it is only a spirituality of words and thoughts.

My first sesshin with Fr. Lassalle in Shinmeikutsu was at the end of March 1979. I used to sit in Zen meditation by myself but that was the first time I took part in a whole sesshin of five days, and I didn't imagine how it would be. The friend with whom I went had taken part in sesshins several times, and told me it was not so hard. I would feel pain in the legs in the beginning, but then get used to it.

With a lot of confidence I entered the house and felt at ease with the silence and the austerity of Shinmeikutsu, and thought it would be a good sesshin for me.
I sat a little in the Zendo just to feel the atmosphere, and then we had orientation and a detailed explanation of how will be the week during the sesshin.
The schedule was quite hard; really a lot of sitting. I didn't have problems with silence and thought it was a nice experience to stay a whole week without talking. I enjoyed Japanese food also and was not worried about it.

The following is the daily schedule of the 'sesshin' at Shinmeikutsu. This was also the schedule of sesshin in the Zen monasteries since ancient times:

4:00 Get up
4:20 Zazen
5:00 Mass, zazen
6:00 Breakfast
6:30 Samu (manual work), break
7:30 Zazen (40 minutes), Kinhin (walking meditation)
8:30 Lecture about Zen
9:30 Zazen, Dokusan (meet privately the Master), Kinhin.
10:30 Zazen
11:00 Lunch, break for resting
1:30 Tea, Zazen, Kinhin
2:30 Zazen, Dokusan, Kinhin
3:30 Zazen, Kinhin, Evening prayer
4:30 Supper
6:30 Zazen, Kinhin
7:30 Zazen, Dokusan, Kinhin
8:30 Zazen
9:00 Last instructions of the Master, Tea
9:30 Rest

The first day we got up at 4:00. In 15 minutes got ready and entered the meditation hall, sat in position and wait for the bell giving the sign of the beginning of zazen. In the deep silence, no one moved, no one seemed even to breath. The vibrant resonance of the three strikes of gong entered my ears, deep in my heart, leading me to a deep inner silence. I went up following mentally my breath and felt that a new life for me was starting. I finally could have a real Zen training with a good master, something I had desired for long time.
After zazen there was kinhin, the walking meditation, than Mass. Breakfast was very simple, gruel rice with tsukemono, the Japanese pickles. 'Samu' followed: working in the house, cleaning the meditation hall, the corridors, toilets, or outside, cleaning around the house, the garden.
A little break and zazen started again. 40 minutes were a little long, and my legs were paining more than I expected but I tried to concentrate as best as I could. Father Lassalle gave us a lecture about the proper sitting in Zen meditation, again zazen, kinhin, zazen, until 11:00 when we had lunch and could rest in the room for a couple of hours. We were expected to concentrate also when resting but I broke the silence to tell the friend I was sharing the room with, about the pain in my legs. He reassured me that the first day is always hard, but from the second day I would get used to it. In the afternoon sitting became harder for the pains. I was doing my best but the time seemed so long, I couldn't concentrate well, just waiting the end of the sitting. The time for supper came, a little break and again hard sitting. Somehow 9:00 came and I felt a great relief. In the last instructions Fr. Lassalle advised us to never loose concentration, do our best in sitting, pouring all our life in it.

The second day I started again with all my strength but realized that legs were still painful. Fr. Lassalle's lecture was about the effect of Zen meditation, and I was hit and given hope by what he said about 'Joriki', the spiritual strength that comes from meditation. Something that improves all body's functions and give also relaxation to pain. The afternoon sitting was again very hard. I felt I was not improving, but instead losing courage. I was not concentrating, but only desiring strongly the sitting would finish soon. Sometime even count my breath up to fifty, saying to myself that in the meantime the gong will certainly strike. Sometime pains were so strong that my all body shivered, or was not able to stand up immediately at the end. I started doubting I would be able to finish the five days of sitting. In the night sitting things became worst. I started thinking that the following day, early in the morning I could catch the bus and live the sesshin. Maybe I was not physically prepared, maybe I was too tired, should have done more physical exercise before going to a sesshin. I could do better another time.
I remembered the confidence in myself when I started the day before. I really wanted to practice zazen, and use to tell friends that zazen was for me. Zazen was the way to deepen understanding, to realize truth as it is. I was sure it was my way of living.
I could see it was not a matter of physical preparation, but it was like if I had to die to myself not only with ideas or feelings, but also with all my body. I was lying, I was taking much care of my dear 'Ego'. I was showing people a spiritual image of myself, someone who likes meditation and can practice zazen. I thought I was a good sitter, as they say in the zendo. But the lie became clear because of the pain in the legs, the mask crumbled away and I felt ashamed of myself. If I left sesshin the next day, I would never be able to sit again, I will always find some excuse to delay the sitting, or think that maybe I didn't need sitting at all, and could just use a good Christian prayer. It was not only my legs that were paining but all myself, especially my pride.
I felt that my cheeks were wet. Warm tears were flowing slowly from my eyes and my breathing was excited.

I decided not to leave. I wanted to finish the sesshin. I wanted to practice zazen, and get the experience of realizing truth like the Zen masters did. I thought of the Christian martyrs in time of persecution, or political prisoners in some countries that stand tortures for their ideals and I could stand some pain in the legs. The next they the first chance I had to meet Fr. Lassalle in Dokusan, I told him that I couldn't stand the pain but I wanted to go on. He told me that I could sit by myself in the small room outside the Meditation hall so that I could move my legs when pains were to strong and not disturb others. I did it, but with a strong feeling of failure seeing the others sitting quietly in the hall. The fourth day I couldn't sit five minutes without moving, and I was advised to sit with my legs straight down the step of the sitting level. The fifth day my backbone also started aching, but I didn't say anything. In the evening, at the end of the last sitting the wooden block was struck outside to sign the end of the sesshin. First slowly, then faster with increasing rhythm, like the sound of a glass bead falling on the floor. Five days had seemed to last years and that sound was a very great relief, though I heard it was inviting me to other sesshins and longer training.
When the sesshin was over, I told Fr. Lassalle that it had been a great experience for me; it was like if I had died to myself or what I believed I was. He laughed and told me that nobody ever died for sitting in meditation, that my starting zazen with decision was a good thing, that was half of the Way, the other half was continuing meditation for all my life.

After that I took part in many sesshins again. These were not so painful as the first; little by little I was getting used to it. It was not the pain in the legs that diminished but the determination that has increased with the practice. I could sit sometimes in deep concentration and feel really at ease, but sometimes could not concentrate and was worried by many things. Zen training is slow and takes long time, one's all life.
After five years I had the strong desire to experience deeper insights, dedicating more time to meditation, under the guide of a master. I could take a sabbatical year from my work in the church and have the guidance of master Yamada Ko-un in Kamakura. I went to live there renting a room and went every night from 6:30 to 9:00 to the San-Un Zendo where together with 20 or 30 other people I could sit every night and meet almost every night the master. We had zazen retreat for the whole Sunday twice a month and a few times a year we had a 4 days or 5 days sesshin.

Master Yamada accepted me as a disciple on Jan. 21, 1984. The teaching of master Yamada started with the first case "Jo-shu-'s dog" of the Mumonkan.
"When practicing, repeat in your mind "Mu" at every breath; do not look for anything else but only to become one with Mu. Don't think while meditating, just repeat mentally "Mu, Mu, Mu", and next time bring me the answer, what is Mu?."
I did it. I repeated continuously Mu when meditating, sometime while traveling on the train, or before sleeping, whenever I could rest my mind I was repeating mentally Mu. But anytime I met master Yamada in Dokusan (privately meeting the master), my answers were only ideas and thoughts about Mu. Every attempt was denied and I didn't know any more what to answer.
"I didn't say think of Mu, just bring it to me. If you really become one with Mu you should understand it. Repeat Mu while you breath, every breath, don't lose it. If you have distractions, every time go back to Mu, always go back to Mu, just say Mu as a stupid, forever. Don't worry about the meaning of Mu. It's not philosophy, it's not theology, Mu is only Mu."
Sometime I didn't know how to answer, and say "I'm still looking for Mu". He was sharp in replying: "You don't have to look for Mu, Mu looks for itself. This is Mu", and looking at me he said with deep breaths:
"Mu, Mu, Mu. You must forget yourself and only repeat Mu, endlessly. The practice of Mu is endless. You must melt into Mu. Yours are thoughts, it is not Mu. Do better, Do better. There is no you, there is no thinking, there is only Mu.
Remember what master Harada used to say: Mu is Muing Mu."
Almost every time I met the master was the same. I started being afraid of him. I was doing my best, at least in my intention.
In April some day I told master Yamada that I had started to attend some courses on Buddhism at Komazawa university, thinking that he would be pleased. But his reaction was unexpected. He shouted at me:
"I didn't tell you to study, I told you just to repeat Mu all the day long. Mu cannot be understood studying, you have to forget everything and yourself and be one with Mu."
I tried to explain that the study was not to understand Mu but only to spend better my free time. But he was very severe.
"You stop studying, and practice hard! or you go away. If you don't trust me you go anywhere you want, but don't bother me. I am busy with many people that really want to practice."
I was shocked by that reaction and I understood how serious was the practice of Mu. Although I couldn't stop the school, I promised to myself to do everything to be able to show Mu to the master, and practiced harder, dedicating more time to meditation. On his part, he didn't ask me again about the studies and went on guiding me with all his heart.
Once he told me: "You are practicing very hard, but this is not enough. You have to practice and meditate as if you were to die."
I couldn't forget these words. Little by little I understood that it was not a matter of how hard I did, but a matter of not doing, not wanting, of letting go everything, it was the matter of dying. Not thinking, not desiring, not even desiring to understand Mu. I started meditating like a dead. Every time I sat, only repeated Mu, imagining that it was my last sitting, that my life was finished, that I had no future to care about, that it was the only chance I had in the whole eternity. Without thinking, without trying to give smart answers to the master, I would just say him "I don't understand", or just listen to him and bow in silence.
With time I was like possessed by Mu, feeling that the word Mu said at every breathing was becoming like a backbone inside me, was like a stream flowing through me all the time.
My consciousness was clear, I was quiet and the time of the sitting was passing very fast.
Some words heard during the sesshin, at night when the hall supervisor struck the wooden plank at the entrance of the zendo, with the typical increasing rhythm signing the end of each day, helped greatly my concentration.
"I tell all of you earnestly,
Life and Death are a great matter,
they are impermanent and quickly pass away,
each one of you please, be awake and clear the delusions,
be careful, and do not behave your own way.
I knew later that this words are written on the wooden plank, according to the rules of the Chinese master O-baku (d. 850), and shouted every night during the sesshin to encourage the students to practice earnestly.

Master Yamada was watching carefully to my practice. One day in June he told me during Dokusan that Mu was near-at-hand. He suddenly stood up in front of me and said: "Look here, this is Mu!" I realized that he was really one with Mu, I could see it clearly, and wished I could say the same.

During the sesshin at the end of July, while meditating as usual like a dead, renouncing to everything, not even thinking any more to realization, ready even to accept being sent away from the Zendo if master Yamada was not satisfied with me, I had a strange experience. The hall supervisor during the walking meditation told me to go for Dokusan. I jointed my hands in gassho- and left the row to go to the master's room. I sudden noticed that I didn't have my name's tag, and went back a few steps to get it from the shelf. At that instant I realized how stupid I was in looking for Mu, Mu was me, I was nothing but a name's tag. What I always believed to be, my Ego was nothing but a tag stuck to a body that was going around eating, working, sleeping and doing many things.
When I told the master that Mu was me, and told him the story of the name tag, he made me some questions to test if I was telling the truth, and said to go back and meditate deeper. I sat again but I couldn't keep quiet. I felt very excited, my body was shivering, sweating, and I had strange feelings like a dream. It was like something inside me was swelling and pushing strong, my body was cracking and opening inside out. A kind of fog was enveloping all things around, my body was breaking down in pieces and disappeared, all things around were like egg shells that opened, they were empty and broke into pieces. It was like a dream showing the emptiness of things.
Anyway the meditation was more important and I became quiet and went on repeating Mu. I was very happy, and felt like every person, every object around me, though still and silent, was like awakened and alive. Everything was so natural and even sounds and noises that before were disturbing the meditation filled me with joy. Master Yamada after that told me:
"You have just pierced a little hole into reality, and you can start now to meditate and to practice for all your life. Reality is like a big palace. You have just looked at it trough a little hole in the fence wall. You must go to the entrance door, open it and enter the rooms, making its inner room you permanent dwelling. Go on sitting every day."
For another half year I received almost every day the guidance of master Yamada, then went back to my work in the church, and saw him only a few times a year when he was alive.
I am still looking for a good master, and in the meantime my new Zendo is the everyday life. Every person I meet or I work with everyday, everything that happens in my life is showing the degree of my dying to the Ego. Like and dislike, being hurt by unpleasant situations, or being blunt at other's people need, all these are the thermometer of the Ego's strength.

To personalize the experience, to die the Great Death and come back to life, the Great Life is a long term training. Between the delusions of everyday, the Eternal Great Life is showing its face.